Monday, April 28, 2014

Each Month

Anticipation.

Each month sometime on or after the 1st, we get an email from our adoption agency which updates us on our current number on the wait list. Each month I check my email far to many times on this day. Each month we hope and pray for movement. Each month we hope to get to share positive news of movement in our adoption process.

Each month... each month... each. month.

To be perfectly honest, when we started this process my lofty goal was that by this time we would have received our referral and be home with our child(ren) by my 30th birthday on August 9th of this year. This timeline was mine. This timeline was selfish. This timeline was not God's.

As many of you know, movement on the wait list since last August has been a snails pace. There is a long explanation as to why the significant slow down to nearly a halt. The simple abridged version is that the government in Ethiopia refined and changed the process for children to be referred to inter-country adoption. I compare this to when the IRS makes changes to tax law, the following year tax returns are processed more slowly. However, we are tentatively optimistic that positive movement is coming in the months ahead.

Throughout this wait, I have thought of the examples we are given in scripture for waiting on the Lord's timing. Abraham and Sarah waiting for a child. Moses waiting to go into the Promised Land. Paul waiting for his sight to be restored. Mary and Martha waiting for Lazarus to be healed (resurrected). Just to name a few...

I have also read a few articles and blog posts on waiting. This really are worth the read. Honestly worth more than reading this blog post. :)
"No One Prepared Me for This"
"Tired of Waiting Part 1" - Paul Tripp
"Tired of Waiting Part 2"- Paul Tripp

These articles/blogs do a much better job at articulating the struggle in the wait as well as the value of the wait. It did make me think of how much of our life we spend waiting.

Waiting to start school. Waiting to be 16 and drive. Waiting to get the college acceptance letter. Waiting to start college. Waiting for that guy/girl to notice you. Waiting to get married. Waiting for the phone call that you landed the job. Waiting for the first real paycheck. Waiting for your doctor's office. Waiting for your plane to land. Waiting to leave on vacation. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for water to boil. Waiting for food to cook. Waiting for a wound to heal. Waiting for spring. Waiting for your milestone birthday. Waiting on the phone on hold. Waiting to get the email. Waiting for the news, good or bad. Waiting to get pregnant. Waiting for children. Waiting to get promoted. Waiting for the referral. Waiting to travel. Waiting to bring them home. Waiting until we see Jesus. Waiting to be home in glory. Waiting.

Being the type-A doer that I am waiting is not my most favorite activity. (Is it anyone's favorite activity though?) However, as tough as it has been at times and as tough as it has been to remain positive and hopeful that this process will result in the beginning of a family, I have learned the hard lesson that (as the blog above articulates) "waiting is not nothing." And it will be worth the wait. As much as I have struggled to want to do something to speed up the wait, God has continually reminded me that he is in control. He is sovereign and his timing is not my timing. His plans are not my plans. His are best. His are perfect. I am His. Our future adopted child is His and he cares far more than I ever could for the orphan(s) who will one day be Ingrams. He is the father to the fatherless.

Sometimes I question. Sometimes I complain. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel.

He is always faithful. He is on his throne. He is the ruler of the universe. He knows the day and time our referral will come. He knows the day and time he will call each of us home.

I was reminded of that last fact recently by the death of my high school volleyball coach. She battled cancer twice. She spent her last weeks at home with her family. She told her family she had nothing to be afraid of in dying. She knew where her eternity would be spent. This world is not our home. These bodies are not our eternal bodies. Do we wait with the same eager anticipation when we will be joined for eternity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ the same way we wait for our favorite TV show to come on or to see our favorite sports team play?

Do I eagerly anticipate my reunion with my heavenly father who adopted me into his family as heirs with Christ the same way I anticipate being joined with my adopted child and bringing them home? God has not allowed me to spend many days on this adoption journey without reminding me of his Gospel through which he adopted me into his family.

He has much bigger plans for me through this adoption process than I have for myself.