Lessons Learned

As I sit here reflecting back on 2016, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the gravity of the changes in our lives this year so instead of a year in review post or a top ten moments, I've decided to wrap up this year with the lessons learned throughout this journey that began over four years ago to become a family a four or maybe it is better title "The things I know now that I didn't know then"...

1.) It will not go as you planned... At all. 
You will begin your adoption journey. You will have an "ideal" plan, an "ideal" timeline of how things will play out, of when things will happen, of when it will be completed... but God will change all those plans. He will most likely turn all those plans on their head because his plan is better. His plan is best. Don't get me wrong... accepting those changes to your plan is not easy. Ever. But God knows what is best. He writes the best stories. He creates families. He chooses YOU to be the parent for the exact child(ren) he had planned to bring to you. Read Proverbs 19:21. Memorize it the day you send in your application for adoption. Trust me... he is going to teach you what that verse means through any adoption journey.

2.) Adoption is messy and ugly before it is beautiful.
EVERY adoption begins with loss, sadness and trauma. Just as our adoption through the Gospel is started because of brokenness, sin and separation from our Heavenly father, every adoption story begins because of a great loss that is outside of God's perfect plan for a family. It is so easy to be captured and captivated by the beautiful AFTER pictures of adoption and that is ok, but when God chooses you to adopt, he chooses you to enter into the mess, to understand the loss and to see that only he can redeem the brokenness in every story. Please do not be offended if a family chooses not to share everything about their child's past. It is personal. It is difficult.

3.) No two adoption journeys will ever be the same.
You can send in your paperwork the exact same day, you can be matched with children in the same month from the exact same country, but it will not play out the same. Only God knows how all the details will play out. We began our process very near the time another couple did who also lives in Wichita. We have been home 10 months and they are sadly still waiting to travel. 

4.) Adoption changes your life more than the child(ren) you adopt.
We've heard so many times "you guys are changing their lives" or many similar iterations. While we understand the good intentions in which this is stated, we cringe a bit each time we hear it. Adoption wrecks your life in good sense. It flips your world up side down. Your normal isn't normal anymore. Your worldview is shifted. Your heart and lives will always include a family on the other side of the world that you may never meet. Each day I am amazed at the strides our boys have taken in only 10 months, but even more so I am humbled by the daily lessons we learn from them.

5.) No matter what, there will be people who just don't get it.
They won't think about the questions they ask. They won't think about the hurt their comments can make. They will say something insensitive, rude or even racist and have no idea. It is just easier to accept that it will happen so you can be prepared with how you will or won't respond in those situations. Sometimes you just have to turn around and walk away, but every once in a while, the Holy Spirit gives you just the right and timely words to speak. Pray for those words!


6.) The paperwork (and questions to answer) will seemingly never end.
Just when you think you've filled out the last form, something will change and more paperwork will be required. You will sign more paperwork than buying four houses. You will be fingerprinted more than most criminals (I really am not joking on this one). You will pay for more background checks and immigration clearances that it takes to work in the secret service (ok this one is probably a stretch, but for real though). Oh and the personal questions you answer and then those answers are sent to some government agency half way around the world... yep, prepare yourself to lay your entire lives... personal, financial, emotional, spiritual... out for all to see and assess if you are fit to parent a child. Then the best part is when you are asked if you've considered the implications of bringing two children into your home who come from a difficult past. You bite your tongue and hold back the sarcastic response of "No, I haven't considered what that might be like; I just enjoy filling out hundreds of forms and paying tens of thousands of dollars to do something I haven't thought through at all."

7.) Your prayer life will change... hopefully for the better.
There are so many unexpected curve balls in any adoption journey that your only option is to turn to the Lord in prayer because there is nothing... absolutely nothing you or anyone can do to move your case along. There is also this amazing thing that happens... you get to know other adoptive families along the way.. you will be amazed at how the Lord knits your hearts together with other families who you may never meet in person and breaks your hearts for their kiddos also waiting half a world away to come home. Prayer will bind your hearts together. At times, prayer is often our last resort, but adoption will show you over and over again that it is your only resort and it is the most powerful thing you can do. 

8.) You will understand the greatness of the Gospel to a larger degree.
You know your adopted child is your child. There are not "real" children and adopted children. They are all your children. They all carry your family name. They will all share in the inheritance you pass on to them. They are not second class citizens in your family. The brokenness that began the journey for a child to be adopted is redeemed by the love of our Heavenly Father to place the lonely in families. The lost years of their history will be restored. Our brokenness is redeemed at the cross. Our sins are forgiven and washed cleaned. We are joined as coheirs with Christ. We are children of the King. We aren't servants out in the cold, served the scraps and leftovers. We will be seated at the table of the wedding feast. 

April 17

One year ago today as I was walking out of the movie theater, we got "the call" that we had waited right at two years to receive. 

One year ago today, our lives changed.

One year ago today, we saw the faces of the two boys who now fill our house with laughter, chatter, singing and high energy play.

Harder than Expected

To say this past year was an easy road to walk would be a lie. To say we walked the road alone would also be a lie. To say we knew what the year would hold one year ago today would also be a lie.

In the past year, I have cried more tears than any of my other previous 30 years. I've learned to plead and cry out in prayer like never before. I've learned that we truly have no control and our only hope is to lean on and cling to our sovereign creator and trust HIS plan and HIS way for our lives.

Prior to April 17, 2015, I was confident that the wait before "the call" was going to be the hardest part of the journey, but I was wrong... very wrong. Seeing the faces of your children, knowing their names and a small part of their story but yet not knowing when they will be HOME is nothing less than excruciating. 

A year ago our agency quoted a timeline of four to six months when we would travel. More than likely, it would be six month given the two month court closure from August to October. Our case moved forward at what would be considered a "fast" pace for adoption cases through the US embassy investigation through the summer. Many other families just ahead of us in the process traveled right before the courts closed in August so we felt pretty confident we were "next" to travel and it also looked like it was highly possible to travel in October or early November for court and then have the boys home by December or January at the latest.

Boy were we wrong! As you know, things in country have moved painfully slow since courts reopened in October. It ended up that we traveled for court nine months after "the call" and brought the boys home 10.5 months after "the call". Sadly, we are a "fast" case as many other families just behind us in the process are still waiting to travel.

As someone who is very Type-A and detailed/timeline oriented, the wait being exceptionally longer than expected was very hard for me. Thankfully the Lord sustained us and surrounded us with many loving, faithful prayer warriors.

Just What We Needed

The incredible thing over the past year was seeing God provide just what we needed even when we didn't know we needed it. Below are just a few examples, but there are many more.

To start, I resigned my job about three weeks before we got "the call" as we knew that we were close to being matched. Our goal was that I would stay home whenever the Lord blessed us with children. With teaching however, you cannot just give a two weeks notice and have to determine before the end of one school year if you plan to return the following school year. We then got "the call" so we knew our decision for me to resign was the right one. Then about a month after we were matched with the boys, Philip was offered an assistant principal job. This was a huge answer to prayer with going to one full time income and be adding two "mouths to feed" to the family.

In the fall, I signed up for the morning Tuesday Connections women's Bible study at our church. We studied the book of James. (Go check out the verse at the top of this blog that we started when we started the adoption process.) The book of James talks so much about living out our faith and understanding how the Lord uses trials to refine our faith and bring us closer to himself. (The refinement throughout this process is a whole other blog post for later.) This study came along just at the right time and on top of that, I was in an incredible small group of women who cheered us on, faithfully prayed for us, have provided meals and so much more. Most of these women I did not even know until September, but each one has been a huge encouragement and blessing to me during this past year. 

I could go on and on about how the Lord has provided financially for us at each step in the adoption process, but I will just quickly say that he does provide and at many times, in the most unexpected ways. **Side note: if the cost of adoption, especially international adoption, is the reason you are not considering it or are ignoring the tug you might be feeling to adopt, let's talk! Please do not let the cost be the reason you do not adopt. 

Lastly, the adoption community is incredible. Through social media and other avenues, the Lord has given me an incredible group of adoptive mom's to share stories with, ask questions to, complain and vent to and pray for our kids together. Many of these moms have  become such dear, close friends; some I've never met in person. Adoption can be a lonely and frustrating road to walk because no two stories are alike and it is easy to feel like no one "gets it" but thankfully, that was not the case for me. Again, I didn't go looking for this and didn't know how much I would need these women, but the good Lord did.

There is no roadmap or checklist for this

We've been home with the boys just over six weeks. They've been some of the hardest, yet best weeks of our lives.

The process of adopting has a ton of paperwork, checklists, training, reading and planning. Thankfully, there are highly respectable agencies, social workers and caseworkers that have outlined all of this and provide you with a guide to get through each step of the process. 

Unfortunately, there isn't a roadmap or checklist for parenting six-year old twin boys who've spent the majority of their lives in an orphanage and speak a language very different than English. There isn't a list of standards and objectives that tell us when they are ready to start school. There isn't an indicator light that comes on to tell us something is wrong. Our agency does an incredible job preparing you (as much as you can be prepared) for what life will be like, but no two adopted kids are the same just like no two biological kids are the same. 

It is hard to adequately describe the past six weeks of our lives. Hard, yes. Overwhelming, yes (at times). Exhausting, yes. Fulfilling, yes. Fun, yes. Chaotic, yes. Survival, yes. Rewarding, yes. 

To be honest, there are times we look at each other unsure of what is the best way to handle certain behaviors, but we go with our gut. We have done a lot of trial and error. We have screwed up and made some great parenting mistakes. But, the incredible thing about kids is that they wake up each day ready for a great day. They have forgiven and forgotten our mistakes from the day before. Oh that we would forgive as quickly and approach life with such joy as children do daily!

Though we have tough and frustrating moments, overall the boys are adjusting and transitioning incredibly well. In the tough moments when the boys want to do anything but listen, I am reminded of how often in our sin and disobedience we are not listening to the Lord and seeking his wisdom and plan for our lives which is ultimately for our best. I'm reminded that as the boys learn to trust us and bond well with us, that the same is true of our relationship with our heavenly Father. He loves us and pursues us unconditionally, no matter how far we stray and no matter how often we turn away. It hasn't always been easy to love the boys unconditionally when it seems like all they want to do is argue or fight against us or each other on some days, but again, the Lord has reminded me of how often I have refused his love and protection thinking my way was best or that I could control the situation on my own. 

April 17

This will always be a day we remember and celebrate. Much has changed in our lives since last April 17, but the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord has not. 

An Open Letter to Our Friends and Family... What is to Come (Maybe)

Let me start by asking you to read this post with a tone of humility and meekness. We are seeking to express and explain some of what the next few months of our lives might look like and to ask for your help as we begin this unpredictable phase of life. We are so grateful to have such an adoption savvy group of family and friends so most of this information may not come of any surprise to many of you. There may be some things in this post that offend or frustrate some of you however but please know that is not our intent. We desire to be upfront and communicate the little we know about what lies ahead for us. Please feel free to ask us any questions you may have after reading this post! (I apologize upfront for the length of the post but so appreciate you reading!)

One of the main things we heard in the many hours of training we did in preparation for adoption is that parenting adopted children almost always looks different than parenting biological children. Since we have no biological children of our own, we do not have habits and "go-to-strategies" that we will fall back on or resort to, which may make some of this slightly easier, but many times we will be going with what we have learned to be best for our children but may cause outsiders to question what we are doing in raising our boys. 

Let me start with a brief explanation as to why parenting adopted children has to be different than parenting biological children. Adopted children have all experienced trauma, loss and grief to some extent even children adopted shortly after birth. Children who have spent any time in an orphanage have not consistently had their needs met and do not understand what a family unit is or what a mom and dad figure should do for them. Due to the inconsistency of care, children learn unhealthy ways to get their needs met and/or unhealthy and sometimes destructive ways to cope with those unmet needs. Even in an orphanage with the best conditions and the most loving nannies, children will still deal with issues with bonding, attachment, trust, food, etc. There is a significant amount of research and information out there to help prepare us for these issues and offer advice when we are facing them which we are SO grateful for, but we have had years to digest this information, read it, pray about it and ask questions about it and we want to give you a picture of what this might look like for us.

Cocooning ---- what is this anyway? 

A word that flies around in adoption circles is cocooning. This is the name given to the time right after an adoptive family is home with their child(ren). Just as a caterpillar cocoons to prepare to break out to become a butterfly and fly around the world, the advice given to all adoptive families is to keep your child's world as small as possible (home as much as possible, only venturing out for necessities like doctor's appointments) when you first bring them home. Children from orphanages are used to have numerous caregivers so one of the goals of "cocooning" is for your child to learn to see you and your spouse as mom and dad and to understand that you will be their primary caregivers to provide love, food, shelter, comfort, protection, etc. Also, keeping your child's world small allows them to process the huge transition and change they  have just encountered by leaving the orphanage they have known most, if not all, of their life and flown far away to a new place. Even the smallest of children will grieve this loss.

Many of you are probably sitting here thinking "loss?" "How is this a loss to be taken way from something we see as horrible and brought into a loving home with a family?"

Even though an orphanage is not a desirable place to live and grow up, it is what they know as home, it is where they are comfortable and it is where the faces of those who have somewhat met their needs are. They will grieve the loss of all of this. Imagine being plucked from your home, friends, family and city and flown to a place you can't understand what people are saying and know, as much as your young heart can comprehend, that you will never return to the "home" you've known. You would grieve too. Children grieve these losses in a number of ways, but with time, this grief and pain will lessen.

Even though our boys are school age, they will most likely be at least 2-3 years behind developmentally. Children are resilient and we are confident God is going to do so much in and through them as well as us, but we want to allow them time to learn their new surroundings, learn they can trust us and learn that we are going to be with them for the long haul and that we are not leaving. During the initial weeks and months home with the twins, it is imperative that they see Philip and I as their primary and only caregivers. We want to meet their needs for food, comfort, safety, etc.

What will this look like for all of you... 

For those who come to the airport to welcome us home, we ask that you not pick up the boys or hug them. I know, it sounds extreme, but we will be firm on this. We highly encourage high fives, fist bumps and hand shakes, if the boys are comfortable with it. Please do not be offended if they are not ready for this. It will come, but please give it time.

For at least the first few weeks and mostly likely months, we won't be venturing out of the house to do much and when we do, we will keep it very low-key. We probably won't have visitors over, especially in the first few weeks. Just like parents of a newborn baby stay at home to avoid exposing them to illness or situations too extreme or stimulating, we will be playing it by ear and letting the boys show us when they are ready. If you do come by, please allow us to meet the boys needs for food, water, etc. I know it may seem like you are helping all of us out by getting them a snack, but we want them to ask us for this and we want them to see us provide it for them. If they do ask you for something, we ask that you redirect them to one of us. As another adoptive mom put it, "they are not just learning that we are their Mom and Dad, they are learning what it means to have a Mom and Dad."

To our amazing church family at First Free, we CANNOT wait until our boys are plugged into children's ministry activities at church and singing in the kids choir and so many other incredible opportunities for kids at our church. However, when we feel ready to bring the boys to church, we may just come to first service and go home. We aren't avoiding you and we aren't trying to keep you from meeting the boys, but we are trying to limit situations especially in the early days that will be over stimulating and confusing for the boys. Again, we will stick with the high fives, fist bumps and hand shakes for quite some time. We so look forward to our boys being loved on by so many of you in time but want to ensure this happens after they have bonded and attached well with us. 

To our incredible extended family and amazing group of friends, we are SO excited to see many of you at my sister's wedding and Lord willing, the boys will be home by that time. However, if they are home by then, it will not have been for long so we will be in the throws of bonding and attachment and learning what life looks like for us as a family of four. We have no idea what this day will look like, but even though we may have the boys with us, we will seek to keep things as simple as possible on that day. Please follow our lead on this day especially. Please do not take it as rude if we do not make the rounds at the reception to introduce them to all of you. Please do not take it as rude if the boys do not speak to you or smile at you. It will happen, with time. I know little things like taking them up to get another cupcake seems harmless and insignificant, but given the issues many adoptive children have with food, we ask that you not ask to get them more food or to "take them" anywhere on this day. Philip will most likely be hanging out with the boys and gets the duty of being "in charge" since I get the amazing privilege of being the maid of honor for my dear sister. So please, take cues from Philip. Stop by the table he is at with the boys and say hi. If Philip makes the decision to not bring the boys to the reception, please respect this decision.

Ok, last bit of "don'ts"... sorry that it seems like there are so many. As we begin to venture out and introduce the boys to more faces and places, we would ask that you keep your questions about the boys' background or adjustment to times you can ask one of us when they aren't around. I have said this entire journey that I am an open book. There really aren't any questions that I deem "too personal" for you to ask about me or our process. There are parts of their story before joining our family that we will keep private and allow the boys to decide when they are ready if they want to share that with others. But please don't be scared to ask us questions, "How's it going with bonding, attachment, sleeping, etc?" but be ready to hear the truth. :) Just ask when the boys aren't standing right there.

We look forward to the boys getting to know and love all of you! We are so excited to see what the journey holds for us as a family of four. We cannot wait to do all the things "normal" families and kids do, but we know that it will take time before life looks and feels "normal" so please be patient with us and the boys. 

"So, Holly, what can we do to help and support you?"

Thanks for asking and thanks to those of you who are still reading and aren't upset by anything I've said thus far.

We are going to be brand new at this parenting thing so we are really shooting at a moving target and each day will be an experiment and a huge learning curve. Below is a list of simple ways to be involved in our initial days and weeks home with the boys...

1) Bring by a simple meal (I'm sure there will be a meal sign up and I will post it on my Facebook for those interested.) Other adoptive moms have also suggested gift cards to restaurants/fast food places as well for quick easy dinners with no clean up. 

2) Text us, email us, Facebook us, check in with us through whatever means you have.. though our lives will be very "isolated" initially from many of you, we do not want to be disconnected. If I don't answer when you call, leave a message. I will call or text back when there is a better time. To be honest, I may not answer the phone much as I do not want to spend precious minutes on the phone while the boys are at home. We also want to continue to hear about what is going on in your lives and would love to have conversations NOT always centered around adoption. :)

3) QuikTrip unsweetended iced tea (with crushed ice) for me or a black coffee from Starbucks for Philip... these are our caffeinated drinks of choice... We won't refuse one if you drop it by the house.

4) For those of you with kiddos around the age of our boys, eventually we will be looking for some play dates in small settings so I would love to know if I can call you about meeting at the park or play place sometime.

5) Pray for us! This should really be first on the list, but I will end here. We cannot thank you enough for those of you who have been praying for and with us since the start of this journey 3.5 years ago. 

Thanks for being in this with us!

It is Well

As I sit here on this last night of 2015, there are many thoughts, words and emotions running through my mind to describe this year. If I'm honest, this year hasn't gone anything like I planned or hoped. To be completely honest, it is far from what I hoped.

Recently, our missions pastor preached a short series on the book of Habakkuk. This was such a timely sermon series for me personally as it came during an extra hard month of waiting in the adoption process. If you've ever talked to anyone who has adopted, I know you have probably tired of hearing how the "waiting is so hard." But it is. Hard. Just really really hard. 

Going through the short book of Habakkuk was refreshing to hear Habakkuk's real and honest dialog with the Lord as well as his questioning to the Lord. If I would have gotten nothing more from the sermon series, I was reminded of the ending of the book which we had read at our wedding nearly 10 years ago.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."

Yet... Yet... such a powerful conjunction! Sometimes as Christians, we let ourselves get consumed in all those phrases before the Yet. We wallow in the trials. We whine about our circumstances. We throw ourselves a pity party.

Yet we forget all God has done. Yet we forget how he has ALWAYS been faithful to us in the past. Yet we not worship him for his work of salvation through Christ on the cross!

I have not always rejoiced in 2015. I have not always been thankful. But the Lord is good and does not leave us or forsake us. He even sovereignly put me in a Bible study this fall on the book of James. Yes, that's right, James. The book of the Bible on Faith. The book that starts off with "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." That verse inspired the title of this blog. God was in every detail, big and small, of 2015.

Ok... back to Habakkuk, in the last sermon of the series, the pastor shared a story of a man from our church who went through a battle with cancer and at the start of it in 2009 was given one year to live. He told our pastor "I'd go through it again because God taught me so much through it." Our pastor described it as a bold and quiet trust in God in the midst of calamity. Philip turned to me and said, "Would you do the three plus year adoption journey again for God to teach and grow you so much?" My response that Sunday was to ask me after the twins were home. :)

I've recently thought a lot about how God called Abraham to go "to a land I will show you." Abraham packed up his family and left all that he knew, all that was comfortable, to follow the Lord into the unknown. I've pondered the thought of if I had known in September of 2012 that we would be entering 2016 and still not be done with this process, would we still have gone forward? In April, when we accepted the referral on the twins, what would I have said if I had known we wouldn't have even traveled for our first trip by the end of 2015??

So often we long to see into the future, but God knows we aren't prepared to handle that knowledge. Thankfully we have the gift of hindsight and looking back. He shows me daily as I look back at this much longer than expected journey how every detail has been by his plan and in his time. He reminds me that none of it has surprised him or been outside of his control or will. I pray for eyes of faith to continue to see his hand guide us to the end of the adoption process and throughout the rest of our lives. He gets the glory of this adoption process. He is to be glorified through our lives. He guides us day by day, step by step, moment by moment. He calls us. He gives us grace upon grace. He bears our sorrows and feels our pain. He sees us crumpled to tears by yet another dose of bad news. He knows our fears of inadequacies to parent these two boys who he has given into our care. He knows!

As we look forward to 2016, some of our toughest days may still be ahead. We know this journey God has called us to in which these twin boys will join our family will be difficult and rewarding, trying and awe-inspiring, full of tears and triumphs, but one thing is certain, the Lord will bring us through and refine us to be more like Him. 

We have much to be thankful for from the year 2015. As for our adoption process, there really is finally light at the end of the tunnel as the Lord saw it fit to move our case forward in December by issuing the unpredictable approval letter and a week later have our court date for January announced. We are finally on the last leg (well last two legs since we travel twice).

This past week a sweet refrain has been coming to mind as I've thought through the ending of a this year and the start of a new year. 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, 
when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, 
It is well, it is well with my soul. 
Refrain: 
It is well with my soul, 
it is well, it is well with my soul

There have been days in recent months where the sorrow of this long journey has billowed over me; the sorrow of my heart to not have these boys home in my arms has overwhelmed me. There have been days where peace has washed over me that is unexplainable and surpasses all my earthly understanding. The quiet peace the Lord has given me within my soul has astounded me as I wouldn't describe myself as a peaceful and quiet person typically. I pray he continues to give us peace as we walk the road ahead.

To my fellow adoptive moms and families still waiting for a referral or have lost a referral, still waiting for an approval letter, for a court date, for the light at the end of your tunnel, you have my daily prayers for God's comfort and peace to wash over you each day. As a dear adoptive mom put it, it will be a glorious unfolding as we see all that the Lord will do in our lives and in our children's lives. 

For those still reading, thanks for journeying with us. Thanks for celebrating the good news and encouraging us through the tough days. Thanks for asking about the details. Thanks for not giving up and forgetting about us. 

Making Room for Two (Part 2)

I've often sat down to compose this blog post over the past few months, but the words just did not come. The timing didn't feel right. I mean if you write a part one blog post; there has to be a part two, right?

Making room for two.... little did we know when we started this journey that it would be two years, almost to the day that we would be on the wait list waiting to be matched with one child or two. We did not know we were "making room for two" years in our lives. We are making room in our home, in our lives and in our hearts for two little boys, but that isn't what this blog post is going to be about exactly.

There is a back story to these two years that we have sought to be careful in how we share because it is not entirely our story to share. I have struggled to know if we should share this openly on this blog. We do not share this to pat ourselves on the back or to try to draw attention to ourselves. We share this because of the lessons we have learned and seeing a small glimpse of God's purpose in our lives in a season of waiting.

It is hard to pinpoint exactly where this piece of our journey started, but I think that is how God works. He starts a new chapter in the story of our lives when we don't even realize it is happening. As a teacher in a large urban district, there are countless students who've sat in the desks of my classroom that impacted me more than my teaching impacted them. This is one of those cases.

A young man walked into my classroom for the first time in January of 2011. His class schedule had switched around due to seniors being able to take a reduced class load in their second semester so he was placed in my Algebra 2 class to accommodate other course changes. I knew of this young man previously because he was on the basketball team. I had kept the scorebook for the basketball team and my husband announced during the games. I did not know much of his story prior to this semester; only that he was a fairly quiet kid who loved to play basketball. Being a tom boy growing up, I enjoyed talking sports with the student athletes in my class so though I did not get much conversation out of him, the little we did talk was about the basketball team or how a particular game had gone, etc. 

A few other situations came up through his last semester of high school in which I learned a bit more of his story and was able to help him out in a few very small ways. He was a kid who did not ask for help very often because he had pretty much relied on only himself for much of his life. Thanks to his HS assistant basketball coach, he was offered a scholarship to play basketball at a community college in western Kansas. 

We kept up with how he was doing and how his basketball team was doing through his freshman year of college. We were able to go see several games that year and even watched his team play in the national junior college tournament. He was having great success on the team and was getting honors for his success even just as a freshman. We continued to follow him through his sophomore year as well. Due to a job relocation, his uncle who he had lived with growing up, moved out of state during his sophomore year of college. 

As I mentioned previously, he is a very quiet kid. We kept in touch with him but usually didn't get a lot of response back. We had offered that if he ever needed help with anything that he just needed to let us know. He always said thanks, but we really never expected him to take us up on the offer until he called me in December of his sophomore year. His ride home for Christmas break had fallen through so he was asking if we could come pick him up which we did and later took him back after Christmas as college basketball players get very little time off around the holidays.  After his teams' season ended earlier than they hoped, he and a teammate stayed with us for their spring break. Both had hopes and plans to play at a Division I school after they graduated from the junior college later that spring.

On April 19, 2013, he and the same teammate signed to play basketball at Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, TX. 

Side note about the timing God planned in all of this: our dossier got to Ethiopia on April 22, 2013 which was the start of our official wait on "the list" to receive an adoption referral.

The two years that followed while we waited on the adoption wait list involved us making many trips to TX. We were able to see him play in quite a few games in his two years on the team. He stayed with us for the summers in between and at Christmas time as well. We made the trip down for his last game on their home court for his senior night and got to walk with him and some of his family when he was honored. 

Our favorite memories were going to their conference tournament both years in Katy, TX in which they played in the championship game both years; falling short of making it to the NCAA tournament both years unfortunately. Through his two years on the team, we got to know the coaching staff very well and are so grateful for their investment in him and including us in their program as well even though we are not technically his family. (Seriously, they truly went above and beyond the call of duty. I could go on and on about this, but that isn't the point of this post.) He received honors for his success on the team as well and finished his time there with hopes of playing professionally.

He came back to stay with us for the summer while he finished up one online class this summer. We made the trip back to Huntsville for one last time for his graduation on August 8. His journey was unsure for a bit as to if an opportunity to play basketball would actually work out, but just a little over a week ago, I took him to the airport and he is now in the country of Georgia where he signed to play basketball in a professional league there.

I often have said had the adoption process moved quicker, we would have not been able to be as involved in his life as we were able to. Is this why our adoption process went slowly? We will never know for sure, but we do know that for this season of waiting, God had a purpose we would have never planned for or seen on our own. 

The lessons we learned in these few years of walking beside him in his collegiate basketball journey and pursuing professional basketball are hard to fully verbalize. One thing I know for certain is that when we get out of the way and allow God to use us as he would choose, the journey he will take us on is far greater than what we could imagine. He is now half a world away pursuing his dreams of playing basketball professionally and we are slowly, but surely, getting closer to bringing the twins home. Though he will never officially or legally be related to us, we consider him as close as family and know in some way, shape or form, we will stay connected with him. 

My sister's mantra is "it is a privilege to be involved in the lives of people." It truly has been a privilege for us to be involved in this young man's life. I think it is in our human nature to hold back and to not get involved because people's lives our messy and it might require too much of our hearts and lives to get involved. In this case, it wasn't always easy nor was it convenient, but the benefits far outweigh the inconvenience. We did not always know where the path was going to lead and looking back there are possibly some things we would have done differently. The selfish instincts in us said to hold back and to not be involved, but thankfully, God nudged us just enough to walk this path. It would have been easy to say we couldn't get involved because our season of life would be changing.

Yes, the seasons do change, but one of the biggest lessons I have learned in this entire adoption process is that we miss out on the beauty and the opportunity of the season we are in now if we are always looking forward to the next season. The Bible is filled with stories of waiting, but it is filled with stories of the way God worked mightily in these people's lives who were waiting for the next season. He uses waiting, even though our impatient hearts long for the waiting to end. There is purpose in the waiting. In our case, God gave us a glimpse of one small purpose of our waiting in this adoption process. Sometimes we don't get that glimpse until well after the fact. 

Right now, we find ourselves in yet another season of waiting that is lasting much longer than we anticipated. Do we trust God in this time of waiting? Do we trust that his timing and his plan are perfect? We have seen time and time again in this entire journey that his plan is good and perfect, but it is so easily to forget and to want things NOW. Would you continue to pray for us that we would seek God's wisdom in this time?

We are so grateful for such a large support system. We would not have been able to walk this journey without your love, support, encouragement and prayers!

Grateful for you all!

Making Room for Two (Part 1)

This blog post is long overdue and may get kind of long so be warned. It may actually come in multiple parts also. I'm attempting to fill in the details that many people have asked about so if you aren't a detail person, you might get overwhelmed!

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The Phone Call

On Friday April 17, I was out of school for our conference release day. Philip had gone to Hiawatha to visit his family so I went to see a movie with my sister and another friend. As I was almost to my car after the movie was over, I realized that I had something in my purse to give my sister so I turned to head back to find them. As I was heading back, my phone rang.

It was not a number saved in my phone but showed up as an Alabama number. My heart leapt because any call from an Alabama number usually is from our adoption agency. (I had just emailed some with our caseworker a week earlier and all my previous questions had been answered so I knew she wasn't calling to follow up on anything else.) I answered and it was our caseworker. She first asked if I was with Philip and after telling her I wasn't, she proceeded to say the words we had waited two years to hear. She asked if we wanted more information about twin boys.

She continued talking which was good since I don't think I could have responded immediately. By this point I had wandered back to the theater and found my sister. She immediately knew I was acting weird. I called Philip and told him about the call. My sister and friend began freaking out at the news they were hearing as I explained it to Philip. Philip and I agreed to view the file. Later, I called back our caseworker to tell her we wanted to view the file so she conferenced Philip in on the call as well. (Isn't technology grand?)

The timing has been pretty amazing in this entire journey (more on that later), but we laugh about the fact that we got the long awaited phone call on the one weekend of the whole year that Philip and I weren't together. This, of course, was all in God's good and perfect timing. Yes, this was a decision we needed to make together, but the time apart was actually really beneficial for us to individually process and digest the information about the boys and the impact saying "yes" would have on our lives. Philip called Saturday as he was driving back to Wichita and as he began sharing his thoughts, tears began to stream down my face because he was saying and expressing everything I was thinking and feeling as well. We serve an amazing God who planned this all down to the exact timing of the phone call. Each and every intricate detail in this journey has been according to his plan. Throughout this process, one of my prayers was that we would know confidently know when to say yes when we finally got the phone call. He more than answered this for both Philip and I and we emailed our agency on Sunday that we would wanted to move forward to adopt the boys.
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Now to back up a few weeks... As many of you know, each month our agency emailed out our wait list number.  We got our first numbers May 1, 2013 and our last wait list email came on April 1st though at the time we didn't know it would be the last one. Being a numbers nerd, it was kind of cool to me that we got the call 24 months after we were on the wait list. Our dossier arrived in Ethiopia on April 22, 2013 and we got the call April 17, 2015; just five days short of exactly two years! Again, God's timing and purpose in this process has humbled and amazed us. 

Ok, sorry for the numbers rabbit trail... We knew from talking via Facebook with other families from our agency that we could potentially be close to getting a call as many families on the list ahead of us were gender specific for girls only or were on pause for other major family changes (birth of a child, move, etc). Even though our number was still a ways from the top, we felt confident that the adoption would finalize sometime next school year, so the week after Spring break, I met with my principal and submitted my letter of resignation to not return to teaching after the current school year was over and stay home next school year. 

Looking back, some people probably thought I was off my rocker to resign to stay home with kids that we didn't have yet and haven't even been matched with. God gave us a peace that surpassed even our own understanding! And 24 days later, when the call came, we again saw God's purpose and plan come together. 

The verse that God kept bringing to mind throughout this time was Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." I will blog more about this verse in a later post. Thanks for reading this (if you made it to the end) and being such an encouragement to us in this journey. We count it a joy to share with you all!

The Bumpy Ride (at times)

Time has really flown by since the last time I updated the blog. I've been writing and rewriting this post many times over the past few months, especially in November, but never felt ready to put "pencil to paper" as they say or fingers to the keyboard in this case. :)

Let me start first with a disclaimer... I often worry that people are going to get sick of hearing about our adoption details or give up on us that it is ever going to happen (please feel absolutely no pressure to continue reading; this is going to be a long one). Now, don't get me wrong. No one has responded in this way at all, but it is just something that floats around in my head. When we applied to start the adoption process with Lifeline, it was early September 2012. Though much has happened in the 2+ years since that time on one hand, little has changed on the other.

Ok.. disclaimer out of the way... Philip sent me this blog post on November 21 that very accurately describes the adoption journey as a "paper pregnancy." The author also does a really good job in verbalizing why Christians are involved in adoption (it is a great read!).

This blog post came at just the right time for me.

In early October, we got a very informative update on the status of adoptions in Ethiopia and our agencies plans moving forward with their Ethiopia adoption program. A few weeks after this update, we got an additional email updating us on the change of costs for the Ethiopia program. This change, though not entirely a shock given the additional time children are staying in the orphanage, was quite a significant increase. As a person who thinks and deals in numbers all the time, this made my mind begin to swim thinking and calculating what would need to happen for our savings to reach this number.

On November 3rd, we started the 10 week class to become licensed for foster care. We are still not quite sure where this journey will lead us, but are moving forward to go ahead and get licensed when we finish the class and then at that point evaluate where things are at in the Ethiopia process.

Early in November, we received an email sent out to all families in our agency about twin boys available for adoption from another country program. The email gave very few details and stated you could call for more information. I spoke with the other country program director. She gave me as many details as she could over the phone and offered for us to view the file that included detailed medical records, videos, pictures, etc. As Philip and I discussed the possibility and asked some close friends and family to pray for wisdom and discernment, we decided not to move forward and view the file. I knew that it would be very difficult to see the boys and then say no. There were some pieces in their medical information we did not have the peace to say "Yes". We know God knows the right forever family for these twin boys even if we are not that match.

Somewhere in the middle of this, I contacted a friend who runs a shop of handmade and vintage items for sale one weekend a month. I talked to her about making and selling scarves and holiday bunting at the sale in November to put the money made toward our adoption fees. She graciously gave me the opportunity. I sewed around the clock leading up to the November sale which went very well. I was humbled and overwhelmed by the friends and family who went out to specifically buy items I had made to help us out. Then I began sewing some more to get a head start for the December sale.

As I posted pictures of the finished scarves on Facebook, friends, family and friends of friends and family began contacting me to order scarves. I would barely get some scarves sewn and post pictures and within days or even hours at times, the scarves would all be sold. I have shipped scarves from Utah to Ohio and Iowa to Oklahoma as well as many all around the state of Kansas. I basically was down in the basement sewing during any free time I had in the evenings or on weekends for the past 3-4 weeks. It was a good problem to have. :) The Facebook orders kept coming as the weekend for the sale at the shop got closer, but thankfully, I was able to get enough inventory done for an even more successful sale at the shop this past weekend.

Who knew that scarves would be such a hit? God did. Who knew that some ladies who could easily sew their own scarves would still order because they wanted to support our adoption? God did. Who knew the generosity of so many to pay above and beyond the actual amount of the scarves and leave a note "put the extra toward your adoption"? God did. Who knew that we would find out about the raise in costs right before weather turned cold and people began shopping for scarves for the cold weather and for Christmas gifts? God did.

Oh and I have almost forgot the best part of the last month... for the last week and a half of November, there was regular posts on our agencies Facebook page of families being matched with children. It was a flood of good news on a daily basis and even some days where we found out about multiple matches which means movement on the list for those of us yet to be matched! December 1st when the monthly email came with the update of our wait list number, we knew for the first time in months, it was going to be a big jump!

We know not every month is going to be like November.

Every month will hopefully not be such a roller coaster of emotions.

Every month unfortunately will not be as much movement on the list.

But every month, God will be present with us through the journey.

A Great Eight

What a great eight years of marriage so far! Not to sound cliche, but time has most definitely flown by.

The Great Eight... some of my favorite memories so far! (In no particular order other than as I found the photos for each one!)

1.) Spending our first anniversary in Nigeria. This was such a sweet time of reconnecting with friends I had met on my first trip to Nigeria in 2005 as well as Philip getting to meet them all. We got to help with their collegiate Nav ministry there and work with an after school program. I left some of my heart in Nigeria in 2005 and just left a bigger part in 2007.

2.) Getting to go to the Desiring God conference for a second time FOR FREE! It was a short trip, but getting to go and do something entirely for free was nice and relaxing. Philip won the trip by entering for a free trip off a blog he follows. Luck is never on my side, but it was for him that day! Photo is of Philip at the bookstore at the conference. Can we just say kid in a candy store? :)

3.) We have gotten to see some pretty exciting sporting events in our 8 years, but I would say my favorite by far have been going to see some of my former students high school students play at the next level. First picture below is see Kaheem Ransom play for Sam Houston State in the Southland Conference tournament this past spring. Second picture is with Joseph Randle after a thrilling game between Oklahoma State and K-State at OSU. Joseph now plays for the best team in the NFL! Go Cowboys.

4.) We really don't vacation much, but we did go to Colorado for a week and got to revisit where we spent a summer in college for a Nav summer training program as well as do some camping and hiking. Colorado is so beautiful and I would go every summer if given the chance. Maybe we can retire there! ;)

5.) In the winter of 2009, we remodeled our kitchen which happened to fall right after I messed up my left index finger playing basketball. Both instances caused plenty of laughter and a few tears on my part, but both were learning and growing experiences in our relationship. Philip even learned how to help me put my hair in pony tail while my left hand was out of commission. The kitchen remodel would not have been possible without the help of my dad. First picture is one of my favorites during the remodel and second is of the contraption my hand was in for about 4 weeks. Don't worry I didn't post the picture before surgery and stitches.

6.) One thing I never thought we would do is get a dog and I definitely never thought we would have a dog before we had kids, but it is funny how things work out. We have had Lucy for just over a year. Granted we do not consider it the same as having kids, but she has definitely taught us a lot about what parenting might be like as well as shown us a small glimpse into the kind of parents we might be. Overall, she has been a good addition to the Linden residence even in spite of all the hair that is shed and the floor constantly being covered in doggie footprints. Below are a few of my favorite pics of the furry chocolate lab that may sometimes be referred to as "the fart face" in our house! Believe it or not she is bigger now then she was in these pictures.

7.) Three different times we have spent a week down in OKC attending the WCWS. Hopefully if you know me well you know what the acronym means! It is hot. We sweat a lot and usually get a little sun burned, but we see a lot of good softball, eat some good food (including a few snow cones to stay cool) and try to avoid major Oklahoma tornadoes while we are there. Good thing Philip enjoys college softball as much as I do!

8.) Adoption. The process. The paperwork. More paperwork. The waiting. Saving money. Planning. Dreaming. More waiting. All of it. It hasn't always been an easy road, but it is a journey of lessons learned and reminders of God's provision, faithfulness and sovereignty. I could not think of anyone else I would rather be on this adoption journey with than my best friend. Sometimes people ask us if it works with us both being teachers and spending so much time together in the summer. We just look at each other and grin. We love hanging out and being together. We are in it for the long haul!

Each Month

Anticipation.

Each month sometime on or after the 1st, we get an email from our adoption agency which updates us on our current number on the wait list. Each month I check my email far to many times on this day. Each month we hope and pray for movement. Each month we hope to get to share positive news of movement in our adoption process.

Each month... each month... each. month.

To be perfectly honest, when we started this process my lofty goal was that by this time we would have received our referral and be home with our child(ren) by my 30th birthday on August 9th of this year. This timeline was mine. This timeline was selfish. This timeline was not God's.

As many of you know, movement on the wait list since last August has been a snails pace. There is a long explanation as to why the significant slow down to nearly a halt. The simple abridged version is that the government in Ethiopia refined and changed the process for children to be referred to inter-country adoption. I compare this to when the IRS makes changes to tax law, the following year tax returns are processed more slowly. However, we are tentatively optimistic that positive movement is coming in the months ahead.

Throughout this wait, I have thought of the examples we are given in scripture for waiting on the Lord's timing. Abraham and Sarah waiting for a child. Moses waiting to go into the Promised Land. Paul waiting for his sight to be restored. Mary and Martha waiting for Lazarus to be healed (resurrected). Just to name a few...

I have also read a few articles and blog posts on waiting. This really are worth the read. Honestly worth more than reading this blog post. :)
"No One Prepared Me for This"
"Tired of Waiting Part 1" - Paul Tripp
"Tired of Waiting Part 2"- Paul Tripp

These articles/blogs do a much better job at articulating the struggle in the wait as well as the value of the wait. It did make me think of how much of our life we spend waiting.

Waiting to start school. Waiting to be 16 and drive. Waiting to get the college acceptance letter. Waiting to start college. Waiting for that guy/girl to notice you. Waiting to get married. Waiting for the phone call that you landed the job. Waiting for the first real paycheck. Waiting for your doctor's office. Waiting for your plane to land. Waiting to leave on vacation. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for water to boil. Waiting for food to cook. Waiting for a wound to heal. Waiting for spring. Waiting for your milestone birthday. Waiting on the phone on hold. Waiting to get the email. Waiting for the news, good or bad. Waiting to get pregnant. Waiting for children. Waiting to get promoted. Waiting for the referral. Waiting to travel. Waiting to bring them home. Waiting until we see Jesus. Waiting to be home in glory. Waiting.

Being the type-A doer that I am waiting is not my most favorite activity. (Is it anyone's favorite activity though?) However, as tough as it has been at times and as tough as it has been to remain positive and hopeful that this process will result in the beginning of a family, I have learned the hard lesson that (as the blog above articulates) "waiting is not nothing." And it will be worth the wait. As much as I have struggled to want to do something to speed up the wait, God has continually reminded me that he is in control. He is sovereign and his timing is not my timing. His plans are not my plans. His are best. His are perfect. I am His. Our future adopted child is His and he cares far more than I ever could for the orphan(s) who will one day be Ingrams. He is the father to the fatherless.

Sometimes I question. Sometimes I complain. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel.

He is always faithful. He is on his throne. He is the ruler of the universe. He knows the day and time our referral will come. He knows the day and time he will call each of us home.

I was reminded of that last fact recently by the death of my high school volleyball coach. She battled cancer twice. She spent her last weeks at home with her family. She told her family she had nothing to be afraid of in dying. She knew where her eternity would be spent. This world is not our home. These bodies are not our eternal bodies. Do we wait with the same eager anticipation when we will be joined for eternity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ the same way we wait for our favorite TV show to come on or to see our favorite sports team play?

Do I eagerly anticipate my reunion with my heavenly father who adopted me into his family as heirs with Christ the same way I anticipate being joined with my adopted child and bringing them home? God has not allowed me to spend many days on this adoption journey without reminding me of his Gospel through which he adopted me into his family.

He has much bigger plans for me through this adoption process than I have for myself.

November 1: I am Thankful for...

The Sovereignty of God

This will be my first time posting something I am thankful for each day of the month of November leading up to Thanksgiving. I am (hopefully) going to post a picture with a short blog post each day.

This picture is not the obvious depiction of what I am thankful for today, God's sovereignty. However, if you've been following along with our lives the past year, you might realize this is a graph of the numbers we have received each month as to where we are on the wait list.

Some might look at this graph negatively because as you can see over the past 4 months there has been little movement (only one spot actually this month).

I see this graph as a perfect depiction of God's sovereignty because it is reminding me that he knows the child(ren) that we will adopt and it is in his perfect timing that our family will be brought together through adoption. Yes, I would love to see those numbers drop quickly. As a math person, I know a flat line means little to no progress.

God, in his sovereignty, adopted us as sons.
God, in his sovereignty, brought us together as a married couple.
God, in his sovereignty, started us on the journey of adoption in 2012.
God, in his sovereignty, knows the number of hairs (gray and dark brown) on my head.
God, in his sovereignty, knew us before the foundation of the earth.
God, in his sovereignty, created us as his workmanship to do good works which he planned for us.
God, in his sovereignty, knows the number we will get via email before it is sent.
God, in his sovereignty, knows.
God, in his sovereignty, creates.
God, in his sovereignty, saves.
God, in his sovereignty, loves.
God, in his sovereignty, gave his only Son to die on the cross for MY sins so I might believe in him and have eternal life.

One Year + One Month

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that we have been on this journey to adopt for just over a year and a month. You can read more about all the details and timing of the journey on this post.

As we have talked about our first year on this journey, we are both surprised and grateful for how quickly it has gone.

Even though our journey on this road of adoption has been a large part of the last 13 months, our lives have been marked by other highlights... a few are recounted below:

1.) We both changed jobs at the start of this school year. Philip has left the role of a classroom teacher and serves as the Behavior Interventionist at the same school. This role keeps him very busy during the school day, but he enjoys interacting with more students and staff. He is also gaining great experience to help him move toward a principal job someday. I changed schools from Southeast to South. I was telling a few folks this week that I really could not have asked for a smoother transition. I'm still teaching math (algebra 1 all day) and working on completing my master's field experience.

2.) In June, we brought a little chocolate lab named Lucy into our lives. Much of our daily routine has now changed as we have adjusted to having a high-energy, four legged creature live with us. She is now 5 1/2 months old and quickly approaching 50 lbs. I actually think she gets bigger each day while we are gone to school. Owning a puppy has definitely had its high and low points, but we have learned a lot about ourselves, patience and puppy behavior.

3.) My sister moved to India in August to help start a school.

4.) In early September, we helped to launch and lead a young adult small group ministry on Sunday evenings.

5.) My classes are finished for my master's and we have thankfully paid for each class as I've gone through so that when my master's is finished we will have no school debt from it.

6.) Philip got to do some to do some traveling for free. In September 2013, he won us a free trip (all expenses paid except food) to the Desiring God Conference which included airfare, hotel and conference registration for both of us. In July, he went to Portland for a week to a conference on positive behavior support to train him for his new position.

7.) On the adoption scale, I'd like to think we are 50% of the way there, but we do not really know. We are well over 50% of the way through the paperwork. We have probably paid close to 50% of the total fees and expenses. Time will tell how long we will wait.

That is a very quick year in review... maybe it is true that the more things change, the more they stay the same. :)

Being a Parent

When you google the definition of parent, it says the following...

1.) a father or mother
2.) be or act as a mother or father to (someone)

Another definition that struck me said...

"a guardian, a proctector"
"to act as a parent to; to raise and nurture"

Wikipedia says..

"Parenting (or child rearing) is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotion, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship."

I know my sources probably are not the best or most reliable but I would doubt that I would find definitions or descriptions that would be far from the ones above.

As we have begun this journey of adoption with the end goal of starting a family by bringing children into our home and family, I have spent significant time thinking about "being a parent." I think most parents would tell us that you are never really ready to be a parent and you just learn as you do it. My mom likes to say that babies do not come with an owner's manual. 

We are taking the non-traditional route to becoming parents in the world's eyes but in God's eyes it is the route in which he parents us so adoption is the deepest rooted path to a family established by the creator of the universe. 

I could make a pretty long list of the training and requirements we have already gone through on this path to being parents, but do any these really train or qualify us to parent? Sure, they have been helpful an educational on what to expect and what to not expect. They have alerted us on the realities of bringing a child into your home who has only known the walls of an international orphanage as home. They have bluntly prepped us for potential medical, emotional and psychological issues that are present in many, if not most, internationally adopted children. These realities alone were enough to really cause us to pause and ask ourselves if we really are ready for this. Are we sure? Are we parent-material?

In the midst of asking these questions throughout this past year, God has brought to mind the ways he acts as our father. He has also shown and reminded me of the opportunities he has placed on our path to deepen our understanding and desire to be parents.

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

Recently our pastor began a series on Ephesians and this verse was the conclusion of the passage he was preaching through one Sunday. However, you must read Ephesians 2:1-9 to really grasp the emphasis in this verse. It is GOD who prepare these good works (like parenting) for us to walk into. He is glorified as we obediently walk in these good works. He gives us the gift of faith through grace to follow him obediently. 

This truth as well as so many others has been an encouragement to me in the midst of questioning if we are ready, if we are sure, if we really can and will be parents... Good parents. 

The Lord has also put so many opportunities for us to "practice" parenting. Since we are both teachers, we have had countless opportunities to, in a small way, be a parent-role in the lives of some of students. The amazing part of these opportunities is that the Lord has used those students to teach and shape us more than we probably influence the students. We had the opportunity to host a college student for the summer. My sister called him our "summer son." It was a great chance for us to learn how to support and encourage a student heading off to college out of state. The more we interacted with him, the more we found ourselves invested in his success. I am sure we only had a small glimpse of what parents go through as they send their children off to college.

There are so many faces and names of students who have impacted the parents we will be someday. Sebastian. Thao. Josh. Tram. Kaheem. Courtney. D'Avonte. Jeremiah. Kikelomo. Teya. Donald. Steven. Alex. Joe. Tyana. Rebecca. Mineka. Jay. Austin. Richard. Ryan. EJ. Amy. Antoine. Halston. and countless more could be added to this list.

And the more recent parenting training has been the newest addition to 2469 S Linden... Lucy, our chocolate lab. We brought her home in early June when she was just over 6 weeks old and barely more than 9 lbs. Now she is 5 months old weighing 43 lbs. (those stats are not exaggerated!) She has revamped and rescheduled our lives in many ways, most for the good. She isn't a perfect puppy, but she loves us unconditionally and forgives quickly. Yes she is a dog, but we learn a lot about ourselves from having her around. We learn that having something so small rely on us for everything is taxing and rewarding at the same time. We learn that functioning off little sleep is difficult. We learn that sometimes you get a good routine established just for it to get upset and you have to start over again. We learn that we have to communicate so that she is taken care of. We are reminded even though it would be easier at times to not have her around that sometimes the easy route is not the most rewarding or most beneficial.

Does all of that mean we are ready and prepared to be good parents? Probably not. We really have no hope apart from God's grace guiding us through it day by day. His grace is what has show us these lessons through these experiences. All we can strive for is that he gets the glory out of our lives as singles, young marrieds and someday parents.

Luke 12:48b "Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more." We have been given so much in all areas of life, but especially in the area of family and the parents who have raised us. We pray that we will be good stewards of these good gifts when our opportunity arises.


 

The Timing of Everything (Adoption timing, that is):

**newest info will always be at the top**

Next up... We will get our September update to our number on September 3 as many members of the Ethiopia team will be traveling. A few extra days wait shouldn't be too bad.

August 1 - 86!! We could hardly believe how much movement we had this month. 16 spots! We were so excited that we moved so much but also that 16 more families were referred to their soon to be adopted child(ren). 19 children were placed with families this month!

July 1 - 102! We moved 7 places this month. Praise the Lord. This was very encouraging.

June 1 - 109 is the new wait list number. We hoped for more movement than just two places, but any movement is good.

May 1 - We received our first wait list number. 113. It was higher than we hoped, but we know God is in control. See blog post "The Weight of the Wait"

April 22, 2013 - We are officially DTC! Dossier to Country!

Once West Sands receives our dossier, they will review it to ensure it meets the criteria necessary and then they will send it to be authenticated by the State of Utah (where West Sands is located) then onto the US Embassy and Ethiopian Embassy in Washington D.C. for final authentication. It will then be sent back to West Sands and they will mail it to Ethiopia. Sarah said this process usually takes 3-4 weeks so our dossier should be in Ethiopia by mid-April. We will then be on the wait list from West Sands. We will receive a monthly email (our first coming in May) with the number we are on the wait list.

Monday, March 18 - We got a call from Sarah (Ethiopia adoption caseworker in Kentucky) that they received our payment and documents and that she was taking our entire set of dossier documents to Fedex that day to be mailed to West Sands (agency that Lifeline partners with to place children from Ethiopia). She also asked for what our preference was that the agency will use when determining a referral for us as we are on the wait list. This is the wording we sent her: "We would like to adopt two children with the oldest not being more than 4 years old. We do not have a gender preference. We are interested in adopting twins under the age of 4 if available. If one child is available, we would want them to be 2 years or younger at the time of referral."

Thursday, March 14 - We received our I-171H which is the approval from USCIS for our I-600A application. This is the LAST document needed to complete and finalize our dossier!! We mailed this along with our last agency payment to Lifeline on Thursday as well.

Wednesday, February 27 - we both got our biometric fingerprinting completed!

Thursday, February 21 - Wichita was in the middle of a pretty large snow storm that ended up accumulating 14+ inches of snow, but we got up early so we could brave the weather and snow packed streets to get to the USCIS office prior to our appt at 8 am. With only getting stopped once and needing a push to get moving again, we made it down there to find out they weren't open due to the snow storm (there is no phone number that we could call to find this out... love government offices!). The sign on the door said we could come back on any Wednesday to get our finger printing done so our plan is to go this upcoming Wednesday to get this taken care of.

Wednesday, February 20 - mailed all of the dossier documents into Lifeline to be reviewed. Once we receive the approval from USCIS, this will complete the dossier and all the documents will be sent to Ethiopia via a few offices in the US for final approval.

Saturday, February 16 - received a notice from the USCIS that they could not continue to process our I-600A approval as there was a request for further evidence stating in our home study that we had neither been rejected for a previous adoption or had been given an unfavorable home study in the past. This was alarming to us, but once we were able to talk to Lifeline and our social worker we found out the request for evidence is not that uncommon. Our social worker has amended the home study and submitted the new home study to USCIS.

Early February- We received our biometric finger printing appointment scheduled for February 21st @ 8:00 at the USCIS office in Wichita. We were very grateful that our appointment was scheduled for the Wichita office and that we won't have to drive to Kansas City to get this done.

Friday, January 18 - mailed I-600A application with home study, copies of birth certificates, marriage license and application fee to USCIS for approval from immigration to make a petition to adopt an international orphan. 

Thursday, January 17 - received notarized and finalized home study in the mail.

Monday, January 7 - clearances from KBI and FBI came through.

Saturday, December 15 - we met with Sharon for our fourth and final home study meeting in Topeka as we were on our way to Philip's parents for Christmas that weekend. Sharon had sent us a draft of the home study document so we had proofread that and made a few slight tweaks. We also completed a checklist of medical and birth conditions that we were willing to accept in a referral of our adoptive child which Sharon will be adding to the home study document.

Monday, December 10 - Philip completed physical and blood work.

Wednesday, November 28 - Holly completed physical and blood work.

Saturday, November 17 - this was our third home study meeting. We discussed different aspects of the online training and readings we had completed. The main objective of this meeting was outlining the remaining pieces of paperwork that needed to be completed to wrap up our home study (financial worksheet, physicals with blood work, etc).

Friday, November 16 - went to the Police Training center to get our fingerprinting done for KBI and FBI clearances.

Monday, November 12 - Sharon came at 2 pm for our second home study appointment. We discussed different aspects from the training we had completed. Sharon also talked with both Philip and I individually. These individual conversations were mainly to determine if we were both on the same page in the adoption process as well as to get to know us better as individuals. She also gave us some more steps for us to pursue to check off the list. Some of these pieces are required for our home study and others are documents that will be included in our home study as well as the dossier.

We have both made appointments with our family doctor for physicals with lab work to ensure we are in good enough health to care for a child (these physicals have to be notarized). We have signed and mailed a clearance form to go to SRS/Child Abuse & Neglect Services to prove we have no criminal history related to child abuse. We will both go get fingerprints to be sent to KBI and FBI to receive clearance from those government agencies. We have contacted our employers to get a notarized letter verifying our employment and their expectation to keep us employed. We have contacted our insurance company to find out what percentage our insurance covers for any therapy (PT, OT, speech, etc) that our child may need as well as contacted the elementary in our neighborhood to see what services are offered there as well and all this info had to be filled out on a form for our home study. We also contacted the international adoption clinic at Children's Mercy in Kansas City for a form on what their fees are for an evaluation once we bring our child home. (The nurse I talked to was really nice!)

End of October - Early November - We have been working on completing the four pieces of our training for the education credits required as part of our home study. We have completed both online trainings as well as the online readings about the country of Ethiopia and now we are reading through the Connected Child book. All the training has been very beneficial. 

Saturday, October 21 - Sharon arrived around 10:15 and we spent the next 2+ hours sitting and chatting with her. This was not nerve wracking or stressful at all. We were not worried about it, but there was some anxiety about it being the first meeting and the first time we met with Sharon. However, we quickly warmed up to her and she to us and we all laughed often throughout our conversation.

Friday, October 19 - we spent about 2 1/2 hours getting our house picked up and cleaned up for our first home study appointment Saturday morning. I know this really isn't all that noteworthy, but we felt good about it and felt prepared to have our home judged as to its suitability to bring a child into it.

Monday, October 15 - talked on the phone with Sharon, our social worker from Topeka. She outlined a few details that we would be doing throughout the home study as well as scheduled our first home study appointment for the following Saturday at 10:30 am. She apparently has dealt with many families similar to us that want to keep the process moving and feel better if there are things we can be working to accomplish so she gave us the following list of education training and reading for us to begin working with that are required as part of the home study or required for the dossier. These included (1) buying and reading the book, The Connected Child, (we got it in the mail this weekend) (2) registering and paying for online training for 10 education credits from the National Council for Adoption (we both have to individually complete this and it involves about 10 modules that includes reading, articles and some video interviews with adoption experts, social workers and famillies who have previously adopted), (3) registering and paying for an online webinar training from Lifeline and (4) readings on the country of Ethiopia from the Department of State and Travel Authority websites.

We also both had to complete about a 7 page autobiography answering questions about our families, our childhood, our relationship, our values, etc. It was very detailed and somewhat time consuming, but we know that it too is part of the process for the agency and government of Ethiopia to find us suitable for adoption. BUT we both got it completed this week so that is checked off the list.

Monday, October 1 @ 8 PM - we had a phone orientation interview with Sarah (Ethiopia program caseworker). The phone interview consisted of brief questions for her to get to know us better, a quick run down of the timeline and requirements of the Ethiopia program (she called it drinking from a fire hose... but she did assure us that all the info would be shared with us more than once as we go through each step of the program) and then the required questions she had to ask each of us individually that thankfully we answered No to all the questions that needed a no response (I had to say Yes to the question on any traffic violations... Philip laughed at me!) and then we had the opportunity to ask any questions we had for her. 

The one thing she emphasized over and over again is that Lifeline is walking with us on this journey and they are there to serve us and answer our questions. This was reassuring to us and we are grateful for beginning to get to know Sarah and feel comfortable with the agency.

Our next step is to begin working with our Kansas social worker to set up the 4 appointments of our home study.

Thursday, September 27 - received a call from Sarah who is our Ethiopia caseworker that she had received our first set of documents and payment. 

Tuesday, September 25 - mailed in first set of documents to our Ethiopia program coordinator at the Lifeline office in Kentucky with the first agency payment. Once Lifeline receives these documents, they will schedule our orientation interview with our program coordinator that will be over the phone since she is in Kentucky and we are in Kansas. :)

Monday, September 17 - received email confirmation from Lifeline Children's Services that  we were accepted by them and will be contacted by one of their social workers to begin the process of the home study. Also, received two manuals (100 pages and 28 pages long) that outline the steps we will take to adopt. These were slightly overwhelming.

Friday, September 14 - received a call from Lifeline that they received our application in the mail.

Tuesday, September 11 - mailed Adoption Application, Doctrinal Statement & Christian Questionnaire and application fee to Lifeline Children's Services in Birmingham, AL. If you are curious what their application or doctrinal statement look like, you can find them here.

Late August - Early September - We narrowed down the agencies we were considering to three and chose Lifeline Children's Services because there is a branch office in Topeka which means they can also complete our home study. (If we chose an agency that was not in Kansas, we would have to find another Kansas agency to do the home study. We decided sticking with one agency for everything would be easier in the long run for us. However, many people use an agency outside of their home state and have no difficulty doing this.) The staff we contacted at Lifeline with questions was incredibly helpful and they returned our phone calls and emails very quickly. Their quick communication was a big plus for us.

Late July - August - We began researching international adoption as thoroughly as we knew how. We contacted friends who had gone through or are currently in the process of adopting internationally. We researched MANY agencies (Christian and not) that did international adoption from Africa. This website was a great starting point. We also contacted families who had used different agencies for their international adoption. (This was SO helpful!) We talked with family and close friends for feedback and advice.

      When we began our search, we were not sure about many things except we were sure we both wanted to adopt from Africa. We knew the cost to adopt internationally was immense so we also began researching supplemental funding options for adoption.

Late July 2012 - while driving home from dinner one night, I turned to Philip and said, "If we aren't pregnant by the end of this school, I think we should start the process to adopt."

Philip replied, "I think we should start now."

    As we talked about this further, we both realized we had been praying, researching and thinking A LOT about adoption and just had not talked with the other one yet. Philip did not want me to feel bad that we had yet to get pregnant and I was not sure if Philip was as ready as I was to begin the process. God was working in our hearts individually to bring us to a point where we were both ready to take the step together, as a couple... as a family.